Saturday, July 11, 2009


I always get so damn upset! I should understand by now it's the way it's ALWAYS going to be! I'm gonna be the last one there that no one was really paying attention to in the first place. It's the order of things.

I'm not interesting enough to be noticed for very long. Not witty or funny enough to be acknowledged. I've learned to be quieter over the years and just let go of wanting to be the person who's paid attention to for more than five minutes.

For some reason though, I always have to open my mouth and get to know people. My mind should just have a constant alarm, "They don't want you to talk! Why the fuck do they care what you think? You mumble and say stupid shit that no one wants to hear." I try, I really do to shut off the jaw. Maybe I should have it broken. It would probably help me imensely. I just need to learn to stop trying to be included in things. obviously no one wants me there.

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